Glad to see that NORAD will be able to use its Santatracker system more than once a year!
One of the ULC Monastery’s writers came up with a few predictions about the impending apocalyptic event (which can be read here:http://blog.themonastery.org/2011/05/predicting-the-apocalypse-a-guide/):
-Prediction #1: The Apocalypse will take place on May 21st, 2011. Mr. Camping’s followers have already paid for billboards and radio ads, it would just be stupid on my part to pick another day to predict the world to end.
-Prediction #2: The dead will rise from their graves to walk the Earth. However, instead of devouring human flesh these Zombies will all develop severe chronic fatigue syndrome and simply return back to the Earth.
-Prediction #3: Though Jesus will not make his return to Earth, actor Jerry Lewis will make an early return to television with his popular Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. 45 years and counting!
-Prediction #4: You can gain Salvation but not through constant repentance for your sins. Rather you can only gain Salvation by signing up for a free trial on Netflix, where 2009?s Terminator Salvation will be streaming for free!
-Prediction #5: A select few Evangelicals will all ascend to their own ideal heaven where they will watch television for hours, eat junk food, donate money to various unspecific causes, and predict a 2nd apocalypse.
-Prediction #6: After several months of suffering, a great sense of calm will envelope the Earth. It is at this time that Love will become the only form of currency…that is to say, the only form of currency other than Cartons of Cigarettes.
-Prediction #7: As Fire and Brimstone fall forth from the sky, local Weathermen come up with very entertaining things to say.
For those of you who want to perform a last-minute wedding in our last few days on Earth (or want to score some last-minute points with the big guy upstairs), become a minister for free at themonastery.org.